I recently decided that now that I am a full grown 22 year old woman, and because every person with good taste I know is constantly insisting I must, I needed to watch Garden State again. I say again because I have already seen it, but I was pretty young and didn't remember much about it. I did know that the soundtrack was incredible. That was still true.
I think I appreciated that movie a great deal more now that I'm not in high school. It was so incredibly sad and hopeful all at the same time, but what really stuck with me was one conversation between Andrew and Sam.
Andrew: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.
Sam: [cuddles up to Andrew] Maybe.
I've been blessed with an amazing family and a fantastic home. I truly have. Since I've been in Birmingham, I've realized this more and more. And I think Andrew is wrong. Family is so much more than that. But I do feel like sometimes I'm homesick for a place that doesn't exist. A place to call home. A place to be home.
There are very few places I would call home. I can count them on one hand. And I actually don't get to spend much time there at all. A few days out of the year, really. But those days remind me who I am. And it's like taking a big deep breath that opens every surface of my lungs.
I'm sure you know where I'm talking about. I think everyone has this place. It doesn't really matter so much where it is as who is there. The people that love you unconditionally. The people that know your opinions without even having to ask. The people that cry with you and laugh with you.... and laugh at you when you need to remember not to take yourself so seriously. The people that make you feel like you're home, no matter where you are.
Some days I feel like I'm wandering from home to home. But other days I feel incredibly blessed to have all of these little pockets of home. And even though there is usually a lot of time and hard work between my visits to my homes, I know in the mean time that I am loved. And that's really what home is. Being known and loved. And that is irreplaceable.